Hello Diamic; First of all, let me say how very sorry I am for your loss. There really are no words, just the ability to say I have a small sense of the pain you are in right now, as will anyone who has experienced the death of their best friend and soul mate. I also am so glad that you are reaching out to talk with those of us who have been through a similar situation; I think that is a very healthy step and you should feel good about finding the energy to do that.
I don't have any magical words for you. My husband and very best friend died five years ago and I will love him, miss him and talk to him for the rest of my days. And I have come to the point where I believe that is not only ok but completely understandable, considering how much I love him and always will. That said, the days of piercing pain and unbearable ache are fewer now. I smile more than I cry. I have learned that I can miss him and the life we had while at the same time being so grateful that I was lucky enough to share my life with him. That tremendous sorrow and gratitude can co-exist - I don't have to choose one or the other. This makes sense to me and allows me to accept however I am feeling, let it be and allow it to pass.
In my own case, I have been forever changed by the love I shared with my husband and by his death. Of course I have been. So I am slowly learning how to move forward without him physically by my side. It helps me to believe that he is still in my life, beside me, guiding, supporting and loving me as he always will.
Please try to be gentle with yourself. Accept your feelings, whatever they may be on a given day, in a given hour. They are all legitimate and ok. Talk about your husband with anyone who will listen - bring him into the conversation if it comforts you and tell people around you what helps you. Often it is being able to tell your stories over and over again. That is ok. Sometimes friends and family just need to be told that this is where you are at. There is no 'getting over' grief. We learn to make room for it, like an old friend. After all, it makes sense to me that tremendous grief is a sign of tremendous love. And how lucky one is to have experienced love of that magnitude. My heart goes out to you. Think about what comforts you and reach for it. You will get through this and learn to live with your grief. Please reach out in this forum whenever you feel like it. Those of us who have had a similar experience 'get it'. Sending you warm thoughts.