Hello Christmas Baby,

It sounds like you are in a very difficult position. Your most important role is that of daughter but in the relationship you describe here and in your earlier post you probably cook, clean, organize healthcare appointments, make sure medication is given on time and on top of that keep tabs on the visitors and work to protect your mother.

It also sounds like you and your mother have a warm relationship and you are her safe space – she is able to tell you what she is thinking and considering.  Do you think it would benefit both of you (if you have not already done so) to talk about the visits and how she feels about them? Perhaps you could tell her what you are seeing when visitors leave and how concerned you are about her.  When my husband was very ill, the role of gatekeeper defaulted to me. He had always been able to determine who to see and when and he loved visiting, but it became too much for him and when I took on that role, it meant he didn’t have to say he didn’t want to see anyone – I could do that for him.

I thought some of the ideas and thoughts in this article might be of some help to you.  

Tips for visiting 

Is there anyone among her friends you could talk to – who could perhaps help you in talking to her other friends? 

Kind regards,
Katherine