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Losing a loved one to addiction 
Started by Chris's sister
24 Mar 2024, 6:20 PM

Hi there. I lost my baby brother to opioids on September 28 2023, and I'm having a really hard time coping. Its6a different type of loss that so many (thankfully) don't understand. 
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26 Mar 2024, 1:37 PM

Dear Chris's sister I am sorry that you have had to experience this loss.  It sounds like your brother was someone you cared deeply about  - and perhaps cared for at some points in his life too. Your nickname shows how you cared for him. For me, it's always been important to say the name of the person - they lived and were/are important in our life.

This is a safe place to speak your grief. We may not share the same grief experience, but we understand what it is to lose someone we loved. Another member, Ollie1968 started the thread, Lost my beautiful daughter May 1, 2020

You may have seen these resources already, but just in case: When someone has died related to substance use ;"When someone you know has died as a result of substance use, your grief may include thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are different from those you've had in the past. You may be left with painful questions or the sense that things are unresolved. You may be feeling isolated in your grief because others don't recognize your grief or avoid talking about what has happened, or because you are reluctant to share your experience with them."  And When your sibling has died; "Regardless of the circumstances, you had your own unique relationship with your sibling, which will greatly influence your grief."

Have you found resources in your community of friends, family or colleagues? Are you finding it hard to find those resources?

Kind regards,
Katherine


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Reply by eKIM
28 Mar 2024, 1:20 AM

Hello

I am so sorry for your loss.  You have found a community of compassionate people to whom you can tell your story to help with your journey of healing.

What have you found that helps ease your pain?

Do you have people that you can talk to about this?  Friends, family?

Are you receiving help from professional therapists?

Message us any time you wish.

- eKim
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Reply by Ryans mom
21 Jun 2024, 2:15 AM

I just lost my son to substance abuse. We don't believe it was intentional but no tox results yet. I am only 6 weeks into this journey without my son. He and I were exceptionally close so his loss is destroying me. So far I am not able to work, sleeping ok with medication, hardly eating and physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel like I have my sons entire life of 33 years rattling around in my head. I am struggling with all the negative thoughts which are clouding any of the good times. I am racked with guilt. Did I not listen enough? Did I not help enough? I knew he had alco issues for a long time but I feel like I missed the part when the drugs started. I am at the point where I don't know how to carry on with the profound grief. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Tried grief counselling but that wasn't really helpful. Starting with a psychologist next week. I know what I need to do but doing it is proving much too difficult at the moment. 
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Reply by eKIM
21 Jun 2024, 10:35 PM

Hello Chris's Sister

Just checking up to see how you are doing.  We're here for you if you need to get something off your chest.  Have you received help from friends and/or family?  How about professional help?  Have you sought out any?
-eKim
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Reply by eKIM
25 Jun 2024, 10:50 PM

Hello, Ryan’s Mom.
 
This is Michael (aka eKim), a volunteer here at Canadian Virtual Hospice.
I am so sorry for your loss and the stress that you are enduring.  
 
I can’t imagine what you are going through.  The closest that I can come to is to imagine this happening to one of my two grown children.  I think that I would have the same reaction as you.
 
It can be said that your response is normal compared to others, but that’s no help, is it?  It sounds like a platitude.  
 
Each one of the issues that you mentioned can best be addressed by a professional, like the psychologist that you will be seeing.  It sounds like you are on the right track by doing this.
 
I have lost 5 family members in the last several years.  The grieving process is very difficult, I have found.
 
In our grief, oftentimes we become beautifully childlike in our neediness and vulnerability.  We wish (just like when we were very young) for someone to hold us tenderly and tell us that everything will be all right, in time.  Our intellect fights this, but our emotions desire it.
 
Everything that we are told in grief counselling is valid.  It is a science developed over many decades and studying its effect on thousands of people.
 
We can see its value, but what if we are not able to take advantage of its guidance?  What if we are just not ready?
 
As a hospice volunteer (I am not a professional) with 14 years of experience, I have seen this many times.  Sometimes it is necessary to meet a person “where they’re at”.  
 
If they are not ready to begin the long path on the road to healing (which suggests moving forward), then instead of walking with them, we must sit quietly with them until they are ready to move forward.
 
This is where the Canadian Virtual Hospice Forum comes in.  We are a team of volunteers - compassionate companions and good listeners who love people and love helping people.  We have suffered our own losses and understand that from great pain arises great compassion.
 
I have found that one great need that many people have is to talk about their loss, talk about their loved one.
 
Sometimes after the initial outpouring of support, the people that we thought would “be there” for us for the long term, have moved on with their own busy lives.  If you still need to "get things off your chest", we are here for you.
 
If you wish, you can continue a dialogue with us by posting here – once a day/week/month or whatever you need.
 
You can post as often or as little as you need to.  Don’t worry if you repeat the same things over and over and over – we don’t mind.
 
Often it is in the repetition that we discover our own answers which were hidden deeply inside ourselves.
 
Also, the act of writing can be very therapeutic.
 
Please come back to us here and we will try to help you find some peace.
- Michael
PS How is it going with the psychologist?
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