Hi,
I'm glad you found us Missie. This is a warm community of people who will support you. Although everyone comes with different experiences, you will find that people here will 'get' how you are feeling. People like Beanie722 on I lost my friend a month ago and Sadlou on So very sad have had those they love pass away too.
I see that you are from the Vancouver area. Vancouver Hospice offers support to people who are bereaved - would this be something you might be interested in? The website is http://www.vancouverhospice.org/programs-services .
You are right - it is an awful sadness and it is so fresh in your mind and heart. You describe it as a “torturous" – these last few months must have been exhausting for you. Are you able to sleep?
Katherine