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Losing my Mom - Taking this so hard

Started by andreadzel

12 Jan 2013, 5:36 AM

On Decemebr 11, 2012 I felt like my whole world crashed down. Even now writing this I am crying. My 54 year old mother was taken to the hospital for a broken hip and we found out she has cancer. There was no symptoms except for a sore shoulder and back right around Thanksgiving. She has had a hip replacement to fix her hip and they were hoping to see what type of Cancer it was from the bone. It came back inclusive. Since then she has had a liver biposy to figure out what type of Cancer. It came back Pancreatic. But they also did a Bronchoscope because they discovered a mass on her right lung, so the Pancreatic Cancer made no sense. It is lung Cancer also we found out. She basically has both it appears. She has rapidly gone down hill since the Bronchoscope on New Year's eve. That night she went into respiratory distress. Next thing I knew they were calling a code 66 to her room, and in comes a crash cart. She then went into ICU for a 24 hr period. The ICU Dr showed us her CT Scans, MRI's and X rays. The Cancer has Metastasized to 5 of her vertebrae, kidneys, liver, brain(just 1 spot there so far), lymph nodes and pituitary gland. There was multiple tumors/spots all through her body. Every day she is seems to be getting worse. They tried Radiation on the mass in her lung, it does not appear to have had any effect. The last 3 days she is not making much sense when she talks, and they have taken her off the IV fluids due to swelling and retention of fluids. We were told today it is only a matter of days. Last week we were told she has weeks possibly months left. I just feel like everything is coming on so fast.

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Reply by idontknow

12 Jan 2013, 5:58 PM

Hello, My heart goes out to you. This is a scary time for you. I found the same when my Dad had all his interventions at the hospital, it is comforting to know all the details, what all the medical terms mean. I found knowledge was powerful in the understanding and "why".

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Reply by NatR

12 Jan 2013, 11:50 PM

Dear Andreadzel,

thank you for sharing your story and finding the forum.
the massive shock you have been given is enough to overload you and my heart goes out to you there are many who read and respond to notes on the forum, also professionals to lend advice.

although you are dealing with way too much information right now and I am sure you are dealing with shock, as idontknow just replied to you - having all the information you can gather is a powerful tool.

there are others who will respond. Please continue to send notes. It is important to have someone to hear you , be your sounding board - and many have been through their own difficult times.

letting you know you are being thought of - and - you are not alone
natR

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Reply by ShiningStar

13 Jan 2013, 1:43 AM

Dear Andreadzel,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Thanks for sharing your story with us. My heart and warmest thoughts are with you.

As Idontknow said, it is good to have all the information because this allows you to make informed decisions.

Is your mom also aware of what's happening?
Are there any other family memebers with you?

Please keep us posted and remember we are here for you.

Peace,
ShininStar

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Reply by Brayden

13 Jan 2013, 2:24 AM

Dear Andreadzel,
I too share what others have said in terms of the rapid change in your young mother. You must feel totally devistated and yet you must always grasp for the positives to sustain yourself. You may find later that in hind-sight your mother will be spared from an extended period of pain and frustration. It can also be so hard on the family members. I know it is most difficult in any case but we always want to have the best for the dying person. Please keep us posted as we care for you in this difficult time. I will be thinking of you.
Brayden

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Reply by Tian

13 Jan 2013, 3:24 AM

Dear Andreadzel

I also sympathasize with you over the horrifying decline in your mother's health. However I think that at this point a lot of the information you have received has basically been rendered irrelevant and the immediate situation has become less complicated. What really matters now is that your mother may have less than a week left. I think the only decisions to be made are about the quality of her remaining life and your focus should be to try and keep your mother as comfortable as possible, assisting the staff in having her pain free. And most importantly, in words and/or with your presence letting her know how much she has meant to you. Show your mother that you love her while you still can. I know that a few short weeks ago this seemed inconceivable. You can only do what you can.

You are always welcome here.

Tian

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Reply by Plum1

14 Jan 2013, 1:32 AM

Dear Anreaadzel,
I want to add my words of care for all that you are living just now. It is horrifying and shaking to have your mother's life now cut so short. You have not really mentioned who else is with you on this journey. Have you other family members around? Some close friends? I hope that, if you do, you can be of support to each other.

As Tian mentions, the focus for you just now is simply being with your mother, and showing her in every way possible that you love her, that she is not alone as she moves through this last great struggle. As painful as it all is, sharing this intimate time will be a gift you can hold on to. I hope that the hospital is managing any pain your mother may have. It will be a comfort to you to know that she is not suffering too much.

Please use this forum as your safe place to share all your feelings, whatever they are. I will hold you in my heart and prayer.
Plum1

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Reply by NatR

17 Jan 2013, 7:02 PM

Dear Andreadzel,

Sending you a thought today...hoping you know that you are not alone...reach out at any time to talk, to vent, to give an update..or just read this knowing that the forum is here for you.

As Plum1 said in her note to you...I hope your mother is comfortable and that you are by her side. Also hoping that you have had a chance to get outside, take a break, have someone spell you off...its very important to take care of you.

Sending you a hug,
NatR

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Reply by andreadzel

20 Jan 2013, 10:53 PM

I thought I would update everyone on what has been going on. My husband, father, brother and sister have all been helping each other. It has been rough on all of us, as we also just lost my paternal grandfather to Cancer on Jan 1, 2013. My mom passed away 18 Jan 13. We were all with her at the end, my maternal grandmother and aunt had just flown in to be with us 15 Jan 13. We took turns being at the hospital with her, so that someone was always with her in the last week.
We made sure she had pain meds when it seemed she needed them, and kept her mouth and lips moistened. It was hard to see this strong, brave women go so fast, as she only went into the hospital 11 Dec 2012. We are taking it hard as she went so fast, and only 9 days before she passed she was still awake and lucid. It was heartbreaking to see my father breakdown in the room as she passed away. I have never saw my father cry. We are keeping ourselves going by constantly repeating, "She is not in pain now." It just all happenned so fast, one day she appeared fine, the next thing we know she is in the hospital fighting for her life.

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Reply by Tian

20 Jan 2013, 11:30 PM

Dear Andreadzel

My sincere condolences on the loss of your mother and also your grandfather. Your mother's passing at a young age when she was healthy just a few short weeks ago adds to the devastation. You can take some solace that you and the rest of your family were there when your mother needed you most but your grief must be almost inconsolable. Just as you and your family all supported your mother, you must now support each other. Your father and grandmother may be particularly vulnerable. You face a very difficult time ahead. Don't hesitate to come back here to seek help or vent. I hope it doesn't take too long for you to receive a measure of peace.

Tian

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