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Cancer sucks  
Started by Karen1ca
28 Oct 2021, 4:32 AM

I just lost my husband last Monday morning. 
I am feeling so alone and I wander around the house aimlessly. 
We were married 40 years this year. Cry
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28 Oct 2021, 9:44 PM

Dear Karen1ca,
40 years...most of your life has been spent with him - talking, doing, sitting, walking, laughing, crying and perhaps a few disagreements?  My husband died after 31 years of marriage and I only remember those first days and weeks as a fog. No idea what to do next, and not really wanting to do anything.

I was talking with a friend yesterday whose husband died about a month ago. She said one of the things that has been helpful for her is to be able to use her husband's name and talk about memories. Do you have those people in your life? Are there memories that are especially precious to you?

Grief and sadness are hard - it get's better, but it's hard. Be gentle with yourself.

Katherine


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Reply by Mark99
28 Oct 2021, 11:17 PM

Karen


I so hear you and so understand that sense of loss. I would say right now that Katherine is correct. The importance of sharing our stories helps us in innumerable ways to find the memories we so need to hold onto. To breath life into those memories so we can walk with our grief and love. 

 

I know for me when Donna, my wife died, I wanted others to know her. To know her love for me, for us, and for herself. Being able to share those stories was the beginning of my grief journey. The first steps. It helped me to see Donna, myself, and us in new ways better ways. I still hurt and always will yet "I carry your heart with me" e.e. cumming’s 

 

It seems you can give life to memories and doing that may begin a first step toward a new consciousness about your loss and love. For me I found my grief was like water taking the shape of its vessel (my heart). I became that vessel that held my grief allowing it to shape me and my memories ways that features its magic. The wound of grief hurts Yet like any wound it allow light and knowledge to enter us. 
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Reply by McRalph
29 Oct 2021, 12:21 AM

You are in survival mode so go easy on yourself and do the best you can to get sleep and eat well.  That was the most important thing to me in those early months.  I couldn't have survived without it I don't think.  Books, podcasts and YouTube videos also helped me in this early weeks.  At 8 months out I joined my first grief group.  It does get easier to deal with the pain.

my husband died suddenly of cardiac arrest.  No prior health issues and they can't really tell me why he died other than he had a fatal arrythmia.  He was my best friend.  We were together 20 years but I knew him for 35.  The loss is so devastating.  I keep going for my kids and the knowing that my husband wouldn't want his death to destroy me.

sending love  
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