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Reply by Tricia Bee
22 Oct 2024, 11:50 PM

Hello there,

I also lost my husband in June. He was the same age as your husband and died from head/neck cancer shortly after his diagnosis. He also had a birthday in August, would have been his 53rd. I guess he gets to be 52 forever now.

I don't have any wise words, it still feels very fresh. I still have days where I can barely get out of bed. I talk to him constantly and miss him dearly.

Thanksgiving was so unbelievably difficult. I gues I dread Christmas. 

One thing I have asked friends and family for is to invite me to things they are planning and to keep inviting me, even if I can't always show up. Sometimes it's nice to hear other peoples conversations and be distracted, even if it is very temporary. Sometimes, it's too much effort to leave the house. 

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Most people want to help, they just don't know what you need. 

For me, I feel like people are getting back to their regular lives and our friends and families are moving on. Here I am stuck, missing him and feeling like a basket case.

Not much help but maybe some solace in knowing there are people that understand your pain, as much as they are able too.

Take care.


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Reply by Mobysgirl
28 Oct 2024, 9:31 AM

I am so sorry for your loss as well.

They were too young! 

Our 30th wedding anniversary was last week and it was a rough one.

I hate that there are others that understand or are going through the same thing, it's awful. I hear people say "that happens sometimes" or "it was his time" and part of me wants to slap them (not a violent person) but super emotional.

I also talk to my husband on a daily, still lots of tears and hard to talk about him with others without them. He had PTSD from his military time so wasn't super social, so not too many people here knew him well, other than what i talked about.

I had a little birthday party for him in August, but didn't celebrate the wedding anniversary. Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year and i'm really trying to be excited about it as i have grandkids but it's hard. I wasn't even sure i wanted to put up the tree but my autistic son wouldn't understand so we will. I guess what i'm trying to say is it won't be the same this year without him; so i will put on a smile and get through it.

Thank you for writing, it's nice to talk to someone who is in the same boat, athough it is terrible that we're both here.

One day at a time.

Take care
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