Dear Calgaryjackie
Yesterday was 5 years since my husband died. I found the second year the hardest - and I really didn't expect that. I kept quite busy since Henry died - but thought that I was leaving room for grieving. Time alone, talking with friends, sleeping and eating well. My daughter does not live in Canada but she is a wonderful support.
When covid isolation hit in March - my activities stopped. Short. And although I like my own company I was forced to spend a lot more time with myself. It was hard but it was good. I found that time helped me to think more about him, who he was to me, what I missed, what would never be. I miss him knowing me completely and yet still somehow liking and loving me:)
A wise friend said many years ago, when someone we love dies, it's like we get wrapped in cotton balls - these cotton balls protect us from jabs and knives of pain, but gradually over time those balls fall off and we can feel everything - all the deep pain of loss and grief - sometimes the pain is even more than initially.
Seems like I am writing a stream of consciousness:) but your post resonated with me today. Thank you for having the courage to write so many months ago.
Warm virtual hug
Katherine