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Veuve à 35ans

Started by Titi89

10 Dec 2021, 2:28 AM

Bonjour
mon fiancé est décédé il y a 3 mois et j'ai beaucoup de mal à encaisser le coup.
j'ai 35 et personne dans mon entourage qui a veci ce genre de situation alors je ne sais pas à qui parler
Si des personnes dans le groupe sont dans cette situation j'aimerai discuter avec vous
merci

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Reply by Katherine N (Katherine@virtualhospice.ca)

10 Dec 2021, 8:21 PM

Hello Titi89,
I am not able to communicate in French, but I am able to communicate my sympathy to you in the death of your fiancee.

Storybook wrote in How to deal with loneliness after loss, "The loneliness is insane. I talk to friends & family, it's helpful & can be uplifting, but it's not the same."

Unfortunately, there are very few members on the Discussion Forum who are able to communicate in French. If you are comfortable in English, I could link you with a number of people. Would that be something you would be able to consider? I am sorry, because I know that the deep feelings and thoughts we have are best expressed in our first language.

Kind regards,Katherine

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Reply by Titi89

11 Dec 2021, 2:43 AM

Hello Katherine,

thank you for your message
I prefer to speak in French it is easier to express my feelings however if there is more members in English I could write with them in this language.
by any chance do you know any organization in quebec for French speaker that I could contact?
thank you

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Reply by Katherine N (Katherine@virtualhospice.ca)

11 Dec 2021, 4:15 AM

Hi
i am checking with a colleague in Montreal for a French language respiece. I will let you know as soon as I can.

katherine

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Reply by Nouce

11 Dec 2021, 7:12 PM

Chère TITI89,

Je ne suis pas francophone, mais je peux lire and comprendre beaucoup. Je suis aussi veuve, alors que mon époux est mort il y a 4 ans, à l'age de 80.

J'ai l'idée que ton fiancé est décédé soudainement! Chaque perte soudaine comme ça est doublement pénible--le bien-aimé a disparu et n'est pas pu être préparée.

Je suppose que chaque jour est difficile pour toi. Les sentiments viennent sans qu'on puisse les controler. Pleure quand tu veux, n'aie pas honte de ce que est dans ton coeur.

Donne-toi permission de réposer quand tu es fatiguée.

Quatre ans plus tard, Paul me manque toujours. La deuil prend du temps.

Je t'embrasse !

Nouce

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Reply by Titi89

12 Dec 2021, 12:37 AM

Thank you Nouce, I am sorry for the loss of your husband

he was fighting with cancer for 2 years, but I was always with hope that he will better better even if I fear all the days for him. We were in distance relationship because he had to go to his country to get access to medical care. I flew back and force ( except for 11 month in 2020) and was able to see him almost every 4 months
In August I went to see him for a long weekend and he spoke to me saying that things will end either good or bad way and started to give me some of his clothes. He was back from the hospital and they told him he was in palliative (he did not told me to protect me). The 3rd of September his sisters called me ( he did not wanted to, to not stressed me and he feared that I would lost my job) that he was reallly bad, I took the first flight I found and arrive late evening to see him. He announced me that he decided to end with dolor and ask die assistance. we were waiting for the time and date, it feeled like the most horrible days in my life waiting waiting and on Tuesday 7th he was gone. We took time to say goodbye and speak, he asked me to be happy and also that my ring should not stop me to meet someone.
i promised him to do my best to be happy but I can't and I feel guilty for that. I miss him so much. I cry everyday, it is hard to wake up and go to work everyday. I feel so alone and that my life could never be happy again. I love him so much. I try to see friends but I feel alone even with my friends.
my psy said I was in the deny of his cancer and be like a robot during is funeral. I don't know what to do to be less sad and not feel the emptiness in me
thank you for listening to me

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Reply by Katherine N (Katherine@virtualhospice.ca)

13 Dec 2021, 7:33 PM

Hi Titi89
I am waiting to hear about other resources, but wondered if you had seen this page? Ressources pour Quebec

This is is a list of the grief resources in Quebec and I hope there might be something that would be helpful for you.

I thought this particular resource might be helpful. Services de soutien aux personnes en deuil.

Just reading your last note, I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to be separated those months in 2020. I think we are made to hope - to hope the cancer will be cured, that the symptoms will be less, that we will have a bit more time. Hope....

It seems to me that you are keeping the promise of 'doing your best'. It may not be what you expect of yourself, but you are getting up in the morning, putting one foot in front of the other, going to work and even writing on this forum. That is huge. You are doing your best.

Be gentle with yourself. My husband used to say we cry because things/people are important. They matter.

I was just wondering Titi89 - how did you choose your nickname?

Kind regards,Katherine

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Reply by eKIM

13 Dec 2021, 11:01 PM

Hello my dear friend

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You have found a source of nice people who care to reach out to others who are grieving.

We have all suffered losses in our lives. My loss was my parents and sister. However, I cannot know what it is that you are going through.

I have helped people who are grieving for 12 years now as a hospice volunteer. My only qualifications are that I love people, love helping people and I am a good listener.

So, if you need a place to unload your feelings, keep coming back. We will keep answering.

I am not sure if there are any French-speaking people on this site. But I will try to help you the best I can.

Despite the fact that I was born in “la belle Province” and lived there for the first 10 years of my life, I lost all my French when we moved to Ontario when I was 10 years old. I regret that.

We are here for you. We will be ready and willing to help you in any way that we can.

- eKim

ps See Below: I used the Google translator, just in case you cannot read English (like I cannot read French.

Bonjour mon cher ami

Toutes mes condoléances. Vous avez trouvé une source de gens sympathiques qui se soucient de tendre la main à ceux qui sont en deuil.

Nous avons tous subi des pertes dans nos vies. Ma perte était mes parents et ma sœur. Cependant, je ne peux pas savoir ce que vous vivez.

J'ai aidé des personnes en deuil depuis maintenant 12 ans en tant que bénévole de soins palliatifs. Mes seules qualifications sont que j'aime les gens, aime aider les gens et je suis un bon auditeur.

Donc, si vous avez besoin d'un endroit pour évacuer vos sentiments, continuez à revenir. Nous continuerons à répondre.

Je ne sais pas s'il y a des francophones sur ce site. Mais je vais essayer de t'aider du mieux que je peux.

Malgré le fait que je sois né dans « la belle province » et que j'y ai vécu pendant les 10 premières années de ma vie, j'ai perdu tout mon français lorsque nous avons déménagé en Ontario quand j'avais 10 ans. Je le regrette.

Nous sommes là pour vous. Nous serons prêts et disposés à vous aider de toutes les manières possibles.

- eKim

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Reply by eKIM

13 Dec 2021, 11:14 PM

You are doing one very important thing in your grief journey. You are reaching out for help.

Doing this will go a long way to prevent you from becoming "stuck" in your grief.

As you process your emotions it is important to have a good listener. And we are here for you.

I am not sure if Dr. Wolfelt's books (and there are many) are in French, but you can check to see if they are.

A book that I use a lot for people that I help is:

Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart

https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/understanding-your-grief/

eKim

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Reply by Nouce

14 Dec 2021, 2:11 AM

Chére Titi89,

Quel courage d'avoir écrit en anglais! Cela permit d'autres correspondants à t'écrire. Mais si tu veux m'écrire en francais.

Une chose qui m'a aidée en dea premiers mois difficles: j'écrit des lettres à mon époux. Je ne leai partagées avec autrui, mais cela mávait donné un sentiment de pouvoir lui expliquer mes sentiments et comment il me manquait.

Je t'embrace!

Nouce

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