This is in response to both “L” and Elana. Being a dad of two daughters, my heart goes out to both of you. I send you a big “Virtual Hug”.
I have been a hospice volunteer since 2010. I spent 10 years volunteering in a residential hospice and for the last 3 years I have been volunteering as a Peer Support Grief and Bereavement volunteer.
The average stay at our hospice is 14 days. Some it is much shorter. However, I must say that practically every family member and the patient themselves appreciated the outstanding care they received.
On the other hand, I have talked to so many people who did not have hospice care available for their loved one, found it to be way more difficult on the family and their loved one suffered a lot when they didn’t need to.
An example of this is when someone is struggling to breathe or has great pain. This, combined with the fear of dying in agony is very hard to bear. The medical staff (they do this all the time), increase the morphine so that the person does not suffer and has a peaceful death.
This is exactly the procedure that they did for my sister-in-law when she was in hospice. It was definitely the most humane thing to do and as a family, we took comfort in that.
Peace. Isn’t this what we all hope for when we die?
Families who make this choice have their grief to deal with of course, but for most, there is no guilt. They made the best choices under the worst conditions. And importantly, they minimized the suffering of their loved one.
As far as the ongoing issues that you describe that you are dealing with, it is not possible for me or any of our volunteers on this site to do anything. We are not professional therapists. You might want to seek out help locally.
What we can do, however, is to be good listeners. Oftentimes, telling one’s story (even over and over again) to a compassionate listener can be very therapeutic.
We are here for you. Come back and post again.
As long as you find someone who cares, you are never alone. We care.
- eKim