This is my second time accessing this wonderful service. I found much comfort here four years ago when my Dad was dying of colo-rectal/prostate cancer. Now, my brother, at 51 years of age has been diagnosed with the extremely rare signet ring adenocarcinoma of the bladder, which as spread to his peritoneal spaces.
My brother was 220 pounds 5 months ago, and how weighs 138. He is 6'2" tall, and so is quite skeletal now. Literally a skeleton with skin hanging on it. There is no fat at all on him and all of his muscle has wasted away. He is emaciated. He has lost 9 of these pounds in the last 3 weeks.
Even though this type of cancer is resistant to chemotherapy, the oncologist is doing it anyway. He had his first round of it last Friday and it was extremely hard on him. I think it did more harm than good, honestly, and I'm more than a little annoyed that they have done this and made him so much sicker, when there is no point and no hope.
Gordon has become withdrawn in the last week, is eating and drinking almost nothing and does nothing more than rest on the bed with the tv on, in the dark. He watches a bit of tv, but not much, and he's no longer reading. A pastime that he used to enjoy.
The oncologist, in his infinite wisdom, has told my brother that he has a year to a year and a half left! Therefore, Gordon thinks that he does not need to be in any rush to do his will, because he has a whole year left!!! My feeling is that he has barely a month left, but I don't want to tell him that. I think the oncologist is being extremely unrealistic with this estimate. There is no way that he can maintain life with the rapid weight loss, vomiting, not eating or drinking.
They will also not do a palliative assessment because he is receiving chemotherapy. Until the chemo is over, or he chooses to stop it, he will remain in the regular ward or in the Lodge. I'm quite frustrated at this whole health care situation, because I feel that I have just had the same arguments, same discussions and have encountered the same difficulties that I did with my dad 4 years ago. I just want my brother to be peaceful and comfortable and I want the doctors to be honest and realistic. They had also told my dad that he had a year left when he was diagnosed, but he died in 7 weeks. Maybe I'm frustrated because I've seen this same situation before and they were wrong then, and I think they're wrong now. I am the only family member left and am my brother's support person. If he dies without a will, that may turn out to be a problem for me, but the darn doctor has put this idea in his head that he has time, when he really doesn't. My brother is very passive and thinks that the doctor's word is the honest solid truth.
Perhaps I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself too. Our Dad died 4 years ago and I was his caregiver as well, now my brother is dying and I am his. Our mother is in a nursing home with severe dementia. My whole family is either gone or going.
Guilitily, I am also a bit angry at my brother. Our mother has moments of lucidity, so every now and then, she knows what's going on. Gordon chose to NOT tell her that he is dying, so that job is going to be left to me when it happens. Emotions are all over the place right now!