Hi Tracy
wow you are doing a lot, dealing with all the raw emotions and guilt feelings about not bring there in time for your mom.
my heart goes out to you
it's going to take time and I am glad you are taking some relax from all the work, all the memories, going through all the things in your moms house.
i know you will do "what if... " for awhile - bit in the end you did your best -
i hope that will comfort you, that you always tried your best.
I am glad you can let us know your thoughts and I hope it helps to bounce those thoughts on the forum.
sending you hugs tonight, thinking of you and hoping you can slowly but surely soften the hard memories and hold onto the good ones.
my thoughts your way,
NatR