Mirela: Just getting to this post now. Though what you wrote and your care for your dad is heartbreaking I had to smile at your last paragraph. You asked how to kindly tell your sister to back off. Well I have to say you said it clearly and pointedly. I got the message. Say like you said to us and she will get your message.

My wife had lung cancer as well and a year ago this past August passed away. She was diagnosed in 2009 and I was the caregiver until she went into hospice last July. Though I was not pregnant and her cancer was well managed I was the only caregiver to ensure she got to all her appointments, meds, etc. There were times when I would be heading home from work and would sit on the stoop and wonder what I was walking into. What was Donna’s state of mind how was she doing? Those doubts and fears hurt me because I wanted to be strong and there. I finally came to realize that that was part of the experience. It was the fabric of the care and the love. I was able to better reflect on her and me and us. My questioning was part of my understanding.

When Donna went into hospice there was a few days that the staff at the hospital where she went for a procedure that didn’t work wanted to send her home for home hospice. They took one look at me, my state of mind, at Donna’s declining status and put her in hospice care. I can only say what I’ve come to believe ‘Hospice Saved My Life’. I was able to deliver better care, more powerful care by being freed of the daily routine and managing the staff. Hospice freed me up to spend time with Donna, ensure she was cared for, and gave me the chance to catch my breath. It was not easy going home in the evenings or leaving her but I knew the staff was professional, smart, caring, and had me to content with. They allowed me to manage her, manage my life, and have time to be a husband who was loosing the love of a life time.