When my Mom was alive I cared for her in every way possible as much as my time and energy would allow, sometimes more. Rarely did I feel good about making any decision that placed me first. I am no martyr, it just made me feel better to put her needs before my own and thus both our needs were met, if that makes sense.

It is very hard for me to ignore the pleas of a loved one or even a stranger if I sense they need me and I can help. It's virtually impossible for me to feel happy when I'm aware someone else I care about is not. I have control issues because of my insecurities I know, but it is me, the truth of who I am.

I am a mother of four children, all grown, and I have three young grandkids. I had been caring for my Mom since I was a child myself because she had a mental illness and we had no father in the home. My protective instincts for others are highly developed, and I had lots of years to fine tune them with my kids and grandkids, but sometimes I forget to protect myself. I belong to a large extended family of brothers, neices and nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins and have close friends, some of whom I have known most of my life. If ever those whom I love need me I strive to answer the call.

I care about people, how they are feeling, what they think about things, how their lives are going. Since it is my nature to be interested in others I often find myself focusing more on others' needs instead of mine. I'm strong and healthy and I enjoy caring for and about people. It gives me pleasure and fulfills me on a deep level, but sometimes, like today, I am reminded that I need to care first about me before I can really care well for others in the way I wish.

In these past few weeks I have had a lot of balls in the air trying to keep up with my commitments. It is hard to do well everything I want to do, yet I hate to say no, and I am rarely satisfied to sit idle. It's just not me. When I'm involved, with people and life, I'm in it 100% body and soul and I don't know yet how to be different.

My vision began to get suddenly and scarily blurry about a month or so ago. It upset me and I thought I may be going blind. Even with my specs on, and with stronger reading glasses, I could not see properly much of the time. It came and went though in intensity so I managed and kept putting off a doctor's visit hoping my eyesight would magically improve.

Feeling more tired than usual, I sometimes found myself falling asleep at the computer, barely able to keep my eyes open, and this was happening sometimes in midday! So I did the sensible thing - finally :) - and scheduled an appointment with my doctor. I love him for lots of good reasons and among them because he listens, takes my concerns seriously, he's a great communicator (important to me), and he is thorough.

He sent me for blood and urine tests, listened to my tales of my particular woes re stress in my life, and then called me back to his office today to discuss the results. He discovered that my blood pressure was low and that I am dehydrated, but thankfully ruled out any signs of diabetes which was his first concern. I felt relieved and grateful to know that all I have to do is drink more water - much more - rather than consuming so much diet soda and eating while on the run. All my stats were normal - even cholesterol which surprised me!:) I need to rest more, eat well, and pay attention to my stress level by planning better (not my strong suit as I am very spontaneous and high-energy naturally). Even though I smoke, my risk for heart disease is low. Fortunate am I.

In any case, luckily for me my little health scare turned out to be minor and reparable and with equally minor adjustments to my lifestyle, I will be fine. It reminded me that I too am important; as well as all those I care for and about and those I want to see feel well and healthy and happy in my real life and online. I am going to try hard to practice balancing my time and energy more wisely. I am going to try to look after myself first.

Self care is not and has never been a priority for me until now. The idea has been percolating in my mind for several months, especially through my time of grief over the death of my Mom, but it didn't sink in as it has today. I imagine may caregivers on this site can relate to how I feel.

Ironically, my doctor called me a couple of hours after I came home. Self care is something he too struggles with. Immediately I thought he must have found something wrong and wondered why he was calling me. Then he told me he really wanted me to know he listened to me about the stress I have been under related to what I went through with my Mom in long term care, and that he didn't want to set a bad example for me, as when I was leaving I made a joke about how he is always in a rush and he responded by saying he had to keep up the pace and then he quickly called in his next patient.

On the phone he told me he is telling all of his patients not to rush through the day, and he said that our little chat caused him to remind himself of the importance of slowing down just a bit for his own good. He told me how he learns so much from his patients and how communication is crucial between him and them, and he wants to set a good example. Admirable.

I was very touched that he took the time to call me and that he was so humble to express himself openly with me while hoping I would take his message to heart and as he said, "spread the good advice and take it", just as he planned to do himself.

Self care is not a priority for many of us, as life is demanding and especially when we identify a need in others and try to fulfill it, but it is important that we remember to honour our own needs too. As we try to be there for others, let’s not forget that we will best help others by first being strong for ourselves. Now I’m off to have a large glass of water and to get some R&R!:)

Take care of yourself as you take care of others folks. Goodnight for now and have a happy weekend!:)