Hi Sherri, Glad my words helped - its hard to offer advice to a stranger but we arent really strangers, we are all travelling the same course in life, some of us have been down a fork in the road before others, so then we can at least share our experience.
I have found much support and understanding from total strangers on the internet who inadvertently become acquaintances or even friends. For years, before the Internet and communication freely given - I spent a lot of years in depression, fighting to make decisions in life, unsure about so many...and now I am grateful to find answers, direction and validation for feelings, how to cope with so many things in life.
I am glad we have connected here.
Speaking of churches, my father was a preacher, but he also was diagnosed with manic-depression in his 70's while in hospital recovering from stroke. I watched abuse, verbal, physical and psychological take place over the years. I never thought it was right but I was kept pretty close to home and was not allowed to make decisions or spread my wings.
I know your mom will appreciate your constancy through emails and phone. Yes, you have a job, but there is also a way to get time off to be with a parent or family member who is not going to make a recovery...did you know about that? I dont recall the details but you get paid to go and be a caregiver to your family member...and your job is held for you. Maybe that is another thing you can check out with govt. services?
If that is not possible and things are as cold as they appear from your words about your parents - your mom may choose to come and be with you for support? Even to have her for a time - would make you feel more like you gave her what she needed?
The bottom line is that this is your mom, sounds like you can offer her some choices, and she can decide to take them or not..if she chooses to stay where she is, then you have to let it go. That is another thing that is tough...when you dont have control over things...and grief on top of that.
I hope that you may find a counsellor in your church? or your area? that can give you a bit more support? Sometimes it works, sometimes it is better with total strangers like you and I. Feelings are part of the written words we write. I feel your desperate need to help - being torn in half trying to be two places at once. How old is your daughter?
Hope that today you do something for just You. Take at least one hour, music, a hot bath, a book, whatever will take you away from the current situation. You deserve a break. Even though you are not being hands on caregiver you are certainly there in your mind. I am learning these lessons from being a caregiver myself. I have had to learn that I too deserve a break, personal time, fun, time with family or friends...whatever it is that makes me happy.
So give yourself a pat on the back and stay in touch.
Nat :)