Here is something that I hope will help, Storybook
For Hope and Healing Your Heart;
Open to the Presence of Your Loss
Adapted from: Understanding Your Grief by Alan D Wolfelt, PhD
Click Here To Purchase: UNDERSTANDING YOUR GRIEF
You can buy all books by Dr. Alan Wolfelt at the: Center For Loss - Dr. Alan Wolfelt
“In every heart, there is an inner room, where we can hold our greatest treasures
and our deepest pain”. Marianne Williamson
Someone you love has died. In your heart you have come to know your deepest pain.
In opening to the presence of the pain of your loss, in acknowledging the inevitability of the pain, in being willing to gently embrace the pain, you in effect honour the pain.
Crazy as it may sound, your pain is the key that opens your heart and ushers you on your way to healing.
To heal in grief is to become whole again,
to integrate your grief into yourself
and to learn to continue your changed life with fullness and meaning.
It doesn’t happen to you – you must stay open to that which has broken you.
Experiencing a new and changed “wholeness” requires that you engage in the work of mourning.
Your journey is yours alone, but you don’t have to feel lonely. There are many people who will be willing to help you. Seek them out.
Healing is a holistic concept that embraces the physical, emotional, cognitive, social and spiritual realms.
Note that healing is not the same as curing, which is a medical term that means “remedying” and “correcting”. You cannot remedy your grief, but you can reconcile it. You cannot correct your grief, but you can heal it.
You will learn over time that the pain of your grief will keep trying to get your attention until you have the courage to gently, and in small doses, open to its presence.
The alternative – denying or suppressing your pain – is in fact more painful.
Maintain an Open Heart
© the pain that surrounds the closed heart of grief is
© the pain of living against yourself,
© the pain of denying how the loss changes you,
© the pain of feeling alone and isolated
© the pain of being unable to openly mourn,
© the pain of being unable to love and be loved by those around you.
Alternatively, you can choose to remain open to the pain, which, in large part, honours the love you feel for the person who has died.
Setting Your Intention to Heal
© You are on a journey that is naturally frightening, painful and often lonely.
© No words, written or spoken, can take away the pain you feel now.
© It takes a true commitment to heal in your grief.
© Yes, you are wounded, but with commitment and intention you can and will become whole again.
© When you set your intention to heal, you make a true commitment to positively influence the course of your journey.
You choose between being a “passive witness” or an “active participant” in your grief.
© To heal, you must be willing to learn about the mystery of the grief journey.
© It can’t be fixed or “resolved”.
© It can only be soothed and “reconciled” through actively experiencing the multitude of thoughts and feelings involved.
Making Grief Your Friend
You cannot heal without mourning or expressing your grief outwardly.
Denying your grief, running from it, or minimizing it only seems to make it more confusing and overwhelming.
To lessen your hurt, you must embrace it. Strange as it may seem, you must make it your friend.
Below is one of the sweetest poems that I have read lately:
Talking to Grief
Ah, Grief, I should not turn you away like a homeless dog
who comes to the back door for a crust, for a meatless bone.
I should trust you.
I should coax you into the house
and give you your own corner,
a worn mat to lie on, your own water dish.
You think I don't know you've been living under my porch.
You long for your real place to be readied before winter comes.
You need your name, your collar and tag.
You need the right to warn off intruders,
to consider my house your own
and me your person and yourself
- Denise Levertov
I love this poem. It helps me grasp the incongruity of seeing grief as a friend. I love dogs, and I would have taken in that dog too. My love would demand it. And deep down inside, do we not know that it is love that will help us to heal?
If you look at grief as an “enemy”, then you have to be prepared for battle and the possibility of being defeated – living a life of despair.
Looking at grief as a “friend”, simply means reconciling its presence with the attitude, “OK, you can come out from under the porch and sit by my fire. I will embrace you. I will listen to the lessons that you can teach me as I reach deep within myself to discern. Love will help us heal."
I love this quote from Winnie The Pooh, - Eyore says to Winnie, "A lot of people talk to animals, you know." Winnie replies, "I know. The problem is that not too many people listen."