Hello Eppie

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the current heartache that you are having.

At 15 years old, it must have been so very difficult for you, Eppie.  I remember my two daughters at 15 – a very tender age.  Now I have grandkids in that age range and I can't imagine them having to go through what you did.

I wish you could have had more help back then.  Do you think that if you had been helped by a professional grief counsellor back then that it would have prevented this delayed grief that you are now experiencing?

A huge trauma for some people can result in a "soul injury".  A "soul injury" can colour the emotional responses to all of one's major life events – sometimes for a lifetime.  I don't know if this is what happened to you.

I'm not trying to diagnose.  I am not a professional, merely a volunteer.

Professional help might answer this question for you.  It is still not too late to seek professional help, if you want to.

At the hospice where I have volunteered for 11 years, we strongly recommend people seeking professional 1 on 1 assistance, if they are open to that.

After that then many people join a group grief group and/or having a volunteer (like me) act as a compassionate companion and listener for once-a-week sessions lasting 12 weeks. A hospice or locally-run government-licensed facility usually offers its services at no cost.

The point is, that your journey of grief is something that you do alone, but you don't have to feel lonely. If you can find someone or some people who are willing to open their hearts to you, it is very helpful.

Sometimes simply telling our story to someone who is a compassionate listener is just what a person needs.

The purpose is not to "rescue" or "fix" the situation. The purpose is to simply "hold space” for you to help you find peace and continue on your journey of healing.

We here at Canadian Virtual Hospice are able to provide a place for you to express yourself.

But perhaps (in addition) you might look at exploring local assistance so that it would be more convenient for you. 

We are here to listen, Eppie, if you need us. 

- eKim

Hello Eppie,

Welcome to the community. I can only imagine your experience of losing both your parents at 15 and subsequent loses that often come with the relationships and life you had before. My closest understanding father had a similar loss at that age and the emotions certainly stayed with him long after the event. Like my fellow forum members have said, seeking support when you are ready is advisable, either in 1-on-1 or group sessions.

It sounds like you have already started this process with talking to your doctor. It takes courage and to ask for support, though from what you have relayed of your past experiences you clearly have tremendous strength to carry forward through so much loss. I wish you all the best in your grief journey and am glad you are part of our forum…you will find many supportive and wonderful people here to help you in moving through the emotions that have sat with you for so long.