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How do I handle it - again?! 
Créé par lilbear
08 avr. 2018, 16 h 04

Thank God for this forum. I don't know where I would turn.
Five years ago today I lost my beloved father to prostate cancer after a horrible struggle. One month after that, my beloved Mother joined him in heaven. We lost her quickly to brain cancer that was discovered 2 short weeks before my Dad passed.
Today, on the cuss of these horrible, life altering events, we have found out that my Mother in law has pancreatic cancer. I can't even begin to put into words the emotions...
I am going to sound so selfish....but, seriously,  I don't know if I can go through it again. I was just beginning to feel like I was getting ahead of my grief...and this is too much.
I can't imagine having to tell my kids - again - that they are losing a grandparent.
I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of all of this again. 
Why?! I am angry and sad and scared.
Lilbear
 
Réponse de MikeGold_admin
13 avr. 2018, 20 h 21

Hi lilbear,

What an immensely difficult sequence of events. Loss after compounding loss, it makes sense to feel like the emotions and communication with your kids about it to be overwhelming. How old are your children and how are they reacting to the multiple, significant losses? You mentioned that without the forum, you wouldn't know where else to turn; are you finding it difficult to find supports in your community that you feel comfortable talking about this with? Something that may help in communication with your kids is a new resource called kidsgrief.ca. It's a free online, modular site where you can discover new tools in how to communicate with your children when it comes to talking about death, and especially the compounding losses that your family has experienced recently.  

Mike 
 
11 août 2020, 18 h 43

Dear lilbear,
I have recently come back to the discussion forums and just read your post from 2 years ago!  I know so much will have happened since you wrote these words. I am sorry grief and loss intruded on your life again so soon - and on the lives of your children.

If you feel up to it I would really like to know how you are doing now lilbear. Covid has added another dimension to life and family.

Warm hugs
Katherine
 
Réponse de lilbear
11 août 2020, 21 h 58

Hi Katherine, thank you so much for reaching out today. I've never even received any notice of anybody else commenting on my topic or thread from 2 years ago or I missed it with everything that was going on at the time.. I am reading these replies today for the first time.
My mother-in-law passed away almost a year ago. We are doing okay but of course it's been a lot to handle. I worry for the impact all this has had on my children who are now 13 and 20 years old.
They deal with anxiety issues and I don't know how much of that stems from what they've gone through in the last 7 years. I myself deal with anxiety issues often and especially health anxiety. I think that's probably very normal and I know a lot of people do as they get a bit older but it is extremely tiring and difficult. 
Covid has definitely not helped! 
My mind races many nights and I find it difficult to sleep. Honestly, here are many days where I wonder how much more I can possibly endure.
On top of everything else, I am very unhappy with where we live currently.  We are safe and secure...just not in my groove here. I haven't made any real connections and if it weren't for my kids and husband I would have nobody. We were looking into moving and then Covid struck. 😥However,  I try to remind myself daily that at east we are all healthy and safe and I am grateful for what I do have.
Take care. 💕
 
Réponse de AMT
13 août 2020, 14 h 34

Good morning Lilbear.


I read your recent post last night and again this morning and was struck with the reminder of how terribly isolating grief can be. There seems to often be a drawing in on oursevles, especially when the hurt and the need to cope pushes us to the edge of what resources we have.

I also find that health related anxiety can creep in, espcially after losses that were health related as yours were, and the anxiety that can come with our own aging and health, and then there's the pandemic and the anxiety and fear COVID has forced upon us. There can be just so much. I also find that during the day there are many distractions that can keep our mind busy but when we lay down at night, in the quiet of the dark our anxious mind can sound really loud. I found progressive muscle relaxation to be really helpful either falling asleep, or if I woke in the night and had difficulty falling back asleep. You Tube is full of examples and I played around with a few to find ones I liked the best.

This forum can be a helpful place to reach out and feel connected with others. I'll make sure to keep my eye out for any new posts you might feel comfortable making.

Sending warm thougts,
AMT  
 
Réponse de Allyson
13 août 2020, 19 h 57

Hello Lilbear,

It sounds to me like you have a lot coming at you at one time.  I am sorry that it feels so overwhelming.  I know how difficult it is to have to handle so much at one time. 

As AMT responded, grief is difficult as the best of times but to feel so isolated can really be hard.  I always felt that at least being at home felt safe, warm and understanding.  It sounds like that isn't available to you though at this time.

I find that books help me a lot.  I don't know about you but with books you can read them anytime of the day or night.  I have found that the following books have helped me.


Healing Grief, Finding Peace by Dr. Louis Lagrand and Safe Passage by Molly Fumia were both books with short passages that helped me day to day when reading was too difficult.

The Cure for Sorrow by Jan Richardson is a book of blessings for times of grief.

I too live with anxiety.  I have found that ADAM - Anxiety Disorders Association of Manitoba - is a great support.  The people who run ADAM also live with anxiety so they can relate strongly with others.

Palliative Manitoba also has programs available that would include yourself and your children.


I hope you find some relief soon.


I will hold you in my heart.

Allyson


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