Hi PKV44
Honestly, I don't know if one ever truly does get over it. I lost my father 12 years ago this Saturday and for the last few days I still weep, remembering him, thinking about all I didn't do, all I did do. I look back to see how my Mom kept looking at his picture by their bed, even when she died, just less than 3 years ago.
I wished that the sadness would leave, but it never really does, though I find that as I do remember that sadness, more and more I also remember the good times. I remember how Dad would have wash suds fight with my soon to be Partner, how they would joke and laugh, while Mom and I sat around the table thinking who was going to clean up the mess in the kitchen, or even wondering if they'd manage to clean a single plate.
We put a happy face on, when around others, and even now I still do that for when my partner is around, but when alone, the tears roll, the anger wells up, the sense of emptiness seems to almost be too much, and yet something holds out, something stops the dam from bursting, and in all honestly I think it is Mom and Dad who reach down to help quell that urge to just, let it all go.
Inside we feel worn, tired, and defeated, but somehow, we still get up, go on with what has to be done, feeling more drained as the day goes on, as the weeks pile on, the months, and yes, even the years flow past, yet somehow we keep getting up.
I think that is what, in our own ways, we all do, thanks to the memories we have of our departed love ones, our departed rocks, if you will. I know you feel alone, but truth is, those memories are there to comfort, to keep you from being totally alone.
And you still have your Mom, and while no words may pass of the sadness, or loss, there is that glance I bet, that you both share, when you connect on a different level, feeling and sharing your loss, together. Maybe she too feels alone, feels adrift, and without time to grieve, or cry, though inside you both are crying, almost non stop it might seem.
There is no easy answer, nor does one answer fit all either. We are resilient beings, we reach a breaking point, yet something seems to always hold us back, keep us on track as best as we can manage. Love is a universal force, it never goes, it never just vanishes, even though the physical being is long gone.
You will always have that, and maybe the tears aren't running down your face, but inside they are enough to cover the planet and then some. I know because I still feel it, for Dad and now too, for Mom. It never will end, least not in any time soon, but I also am rather glad it doesn't end. It means I still can feel, can still remember them both, and as much as it hurts to think about it, it is a good thing.
As for feeling alone, well you have come to a good place to help ease the pain, just a smidge. We all here, have gone through this, and are still going through it all. But at least here, there are those who can understand, who don't need the words, to feel your pain, for it is also our pain.
All I can say is, that through the sadness comes a deeper love for the one's you have lost. I know it has for me, and I think too, for others here on this forum.
I hope that helps, just a little
Ian