Help, not sure how to talk about all this, my brother when first diagnosed with stage 4 cancer talked about killing himself when the cancer got bad and wanted me to get him a gun, no idea where or why he would think i could get one. I asked him why he wanted a gun and disagreed with him, but understood his fear. He has since cut me out of his life and does not want me anywhere around him or anyone to talk about me and has banned me from his funeral. I am lost and confused and blame myself for talking to him about the gun and why he wanted to do it that way. I did say that there was easier ways and he demanded that I tell him. I wish I never said that, I was just so uncomfortable and didnt know what to say other thank why a gun and other ways. I feel guilty over even saying there was easier ways i just couldnt imagine the way he wanted and just wanted to shut him up. He said I should never had said there was an easier way unless I was going to tell him. I was like I just said that, but not that I wanted him to find an easier way, more like I didnt know what else to say. I think he is going to kill himself near the end and he knows I do not agree. I am emotionally tied to this and I need help to deal with it. I am afraid when he does go, I will have a lot of guilt. I love him even thought he has been mean to me, I know he is so scared. I am sad that I cant ever see or talk to him again and that it is going to end so scary for him. I lost my brother and he is still alive. Sad.
Help me forgive myself and let him and this go.