Dear Marti:
Please know that just reading your letter about the death of your precious daughter and the unfathomable grief you are left to carry, I too feel heartbroken. Since last night I have struggled with how I could possibly say anything to help you, but I cannot get you from my mind so I am writing to you now, all the while appreciating that I am dwarfed by the magnitude of your sorrowful heart and your courage to share it here with us.
I am a mother. Every mother reading your story can imagine and empathize on a very instinctual level the relentless pain you are suffering.
I feel endlessly sorry that your daughter died so young, and even though in her brief lifetime with you she had to deal with many physical limitations, your motherly love saw her through each moment she lived and you enhanced her quality of life through your daily devotion to her and your constant love and acceptance. Please never question if you did enough for your daughter as I am certain you not only did enough, but much more than most mothers are ever expected to do.
While your daughter's life was burdened by challenges of a medical nature, she came into your life for a reason and undoubtedly by loving you, and by you doting on her, she gave you and your life deep meaning and significant joy that many people will not be able to fully understand if they have not had the same kinds of experiences. Please never doubt that most people have compassionate hearts and feel deeply for your immeasurable loss. I am amazed by your heroic spirit as you put words to the unspeakable torment you are dealing with and I know I and others weep with you.
You are missing your daughter every day, every waking moment I'm sure and I believe you will feel this intense sense of loss and lonesomeness for some time to come, and while the intensity of the suffering you are going through now will lessen in time, you will always miss your daughter in your life. You will, with help and support, learn to cope with the vast void in your heart she has left behind and which you cannot possibly ignore. You are naturally grieving profoundly and your mind, body and spirit is going through a colossal and complex time of adjustment.
Please give yourself a big hug from me and know that we all at Virtual Hospice are with you, to listen to you and to care for you as your sorrow painfully ebbs and flows through you. While no one will ever replace your daughter or make up for her absence, I believe you will find a way to accept it all and to live without her just as she would want you to, and just as you did as you bravely faced down each day, each fear and gracefully accepted each difficult challenge when caring for your sweet little girl.
I know your daughter would not ever want you to suffer such desolate and despairing feelings. It is in our nature to protect those we love, and yet when death separates us from a loved one, no matter how one may wish to protect another or to be protected, there is no escaping the hurt and the emotions we must feel and endure when the precious life of a loved one ends, and there is especially no greater heartache for a parent to bear than to bury a beloved child.
Your daughter's situation required of you both immense commitment and the nature of the love and the lives you shared together are deeply attached by your souls. I believe that the soul never dies and the attachment you feel with your daughter, the special mother-daughter bond you have with one another cannot be damaged by death. Your love lives on in her just as hers for you lives on within you. I believe this to be true with all my heart and soul.
Death, to me, is like a mysterious veil between this life and the next where we cannot see through it until our time comes, but those on the other side, I believe, have total peace, no more suffering or worry. I also believe they give us strength and increase our faith miraculously in ways we cannot always understand. Your daughter is loving you just as closely today as she was in life and though you can no longer see one another her love for you and yours for her is an eternal embrace, I have no doubt. Love lives. It will always live.
As May 1st approaches and you remember your daughter's past birthdays, the joys and celebrations you happily shared, please know that she will be celebrating her sweet 16th as an angel and knowing always that you are and will always be her angelic mother.
You have a special angel watching over you, Marti, consoling you and helping you to heal. Accept and trust that the love you and your darling daughter experienced together in this life continues in the hearts and souls of you both eternally.
With much affection for you, Marti, and blessings to you as you find your way through your heartbreak to find comfort and healing. I am sending you perpetual hugs so you will know always that you are cared for in your time of sorrow and beyond. xo
VHcath