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Loss of my only sister

Started by Princess peace

01 Apr 2015, 7:14 AM

I was wondering if anyone else has lost their sibling. The grief is still fresh so any help is appreciated.

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Reply by KathCull_admin

01 Apr 2015, 2:03 PM

Welcome Princess peace, (what a beautiful nickname)
I am glad you joined our community. You will find there are others here who will understand your grief and loss. My sympathy to you. A little article you might find helpful - that is on the Virtual Hospice site, Grief Work.

Reading the words, ‘only sister’ and seeing the time you posted says a lot Princess peace. Were you and your sister close in age and friendship?

Ceildah started the thread; My Brother is dying from Cancer. On that thread you will also meet BettyH and EastCoastPEI.

I look forward to talking again.

Katherine

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Reply by BettyH

01 Apr 2015, 9:34 PM

Hello Princess Peace,

I lost my younger sister six months ago - tomorrow would be her 65th birthday. I will light a candle for her. We were very close and it was devastating to watch her suffering. I miss her so much and think about her every day. It takes time but it will get better.

Hoping we can talk again.

Betty

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Reply by Princess peace

02 Apr 2015, 2:04 AM

Thank you Betty,
My sister just passed away over a month ago and April 15 would have been her 45 birthday. We were also very close. I am grateful for the support of others and this site.
My thoughts are also with you as sisters share such a special bond.
Monica (aka princess peace - that is what my sister called me)

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Reply by JennJilks

03 Apr 2015, 1:06 PM

It must be difficult losing a sibling. I cannot imagine, as I only have an adoptive brother 4000km away in B.C.
Have you done any grief work about her?
It really helps.
I.e., A collage about all her qualities, interests and such. I've been in on several bereavement courses, with young kids who'd lost a parent. They found it uplifting to share their grief, and work their way through it.
It seems as if you are doing so here.
What are the ten best things you remember about her?

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Reply by Princess peace

04 Apr 2015, 3:46 AM

Thank you Jenn,
I am remembering all of the wonderful things about my sister and doing what I can for support. She lived in Bermuda and I was there for a month helping take care of her and always surrounded by her friends and family. I am home now and it is a big adjustment as my daily support system and people who fully understood what was happening are now not around me.
She was so wonderful and one of the few people who were completely happy and grateful for everything in her life. This is why it is even harder to accept as she loved life.....which is why I need to take over her legacy so to speak. This will be one of the biggest challenges as the colors of the world are not so bright anymore. One day at a time.

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Reply by Marks sister

06 Apr 2015, 11:43 AM

Monica,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my big brother Mark on March 13th to esophageal cancer.
I very much understand what you are going through. I was able to help out over the 18 months of his battle and was with him for most of the last week of his life.
The grief comes in waves, but know that talking about your sister and remembering her, will help you see your way.
It's been a difficult transition returning to work and "normal" life-I have found people aren't sure how to treat you as a adult sibling who has loss. There are so many resources for people who lose a parent, a child, or a young person losing a sibling, but there is so little related to adult sibling loss.
It sounds like my brother Mark was a lot like your sister-always seeing the good in life. He made everyone around him feel like they were his friend. I'm not like him-I'm a little slower to warm up to life-but I guess it's okay to embrace who I am.
Celebrate your sister and know that you aren't the only one out here struggling through the loss of a sibling.
I'm here to talk.
Terri

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Reply by Princess peace

08 Apr 2015, 1:56 AM

Hi Terri,
I am also so sorry for your very recent loss and know what you are going through.
Its definitely a difficult transition returning to normal life after you have been through something like this. And the world just keeps on going. There is so much comfort in talking to people who understand (unfortunately these circumstances). My sisters birthday is next week and I am going to do everything I possibly can to make it a good day. It still is hard to believe sometimes that she is gone as we "had plans" and now this has changed.
We now have gaurdian angels on our shoulders.
The one thing that I have realized through this experience is all of the love in the world. It can be a beautiful place.
I hope you are doing ok.
Monica (Princess Peace - still must say that as Darcy loved calling me that). She had a miniature horse she LOVED and I called her Queen Equianna.
Please share any stories about your brother....

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Reply by KathCull_admin

16 Apr 2015, 11:32 PM

Hi Monica/Princess Peace
Darcy sounds like a wonderful person and loving sister. It must be hard when you were so intensely involved in her care for that last month and now to be in another geographical location and as you say with people who were 'not there'. How have you been managing? Were you and Darcy able to talk about those plans you both had before she died? Would you be able to share how you planned to make her birth day special?

Take care
Katherine

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Reply by Princess peace

17 Apr 2015, 4:45 AM

Hi Katherine, (my late grandmothers name, Darcys middle name, and my daughters name :)
I never realized the adjustment it would be upon arriving home and not having my best friend and sister to talk to everyday. I have found myself wanting to go back to where Darcy lived as I felt so connected there. My family was not with me so my children still dont quite know the impact of this passing. My parents live two provinces away so I am also helping my mom as I give her comfort (hearing my mother cry everyday breaks my heart but I am there for her).
The waves of grief are unexpected and you just never know from moment to moment what you will be feeling.
Darcy tried medical care, naturopathic care and back to medical care. We believed with her strong will and mind and previously strong body she could "fight" this. Then our plans were going to help others who have lost hope. I read the books on Radical Remission, Dying to Be Me etc etc...The Universe had different plans. A lesson in all of this is that we think we have control yet we do not. I did not stop believing in her ability to heal even though I was seeing the effects everyday. That was a difficult thing to do as giving up was not an option.
Fast forward to yesterday: Darcys 45 birthday.... My good friend took the day off and helped me celebrate. We bought three pieces of cake and drove to the west coast of the island. We hiked through the forest and ate birthday cake in the "jungle" (was called Avatar Grove). I bought birthday gifts and put them all in gift bags and handed them out to strangers. That was uplifting (a little shocking for people not used to getting gifts on the street). It was wonderful and exactly something that Darcy and I would do. She was just there in spirit now.
We are doing it again next year!
Monica (Princess Peace)

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