Hugs to all who have lost someone, and know that I cry with you as I read your journey through the worst of times and somehow I don't feel so alone.
Colleen - Thanks for checking on me – I am on the Virtual Website often, a silent member. I have seen that others who have lost a husband also seem as lost and angry as I am. It has been 8 months since cancer took my husband and my best friend - - way too soon. I have seen myself speaking in the words of others. It is so hard to see all the things we had prepared for our retirement, new camping gear, fishing equipment, maps of places we were to travel to when we retired, and now as they sit in the garage they are a daily reminder of what should have been. I don’t feel sad for myself, but I know how hard my husband worked to be able to enjoy his retirement, how he looked forward to it one day, and how angry I am that he was denied that opportunity.
I have given up on my religious beliefs, and sadly wish it could be proven there is no afterlife, because for me it would make going forward easier - I could give away all physical items I am keeping from the little boy I lost to cancer so many years ago, and now my husband, without feeling guilty. It would be easier if I knew that they were not watching and feeling sad that they can’t be here. It would explain why I talk to them all the time and never feel they are still here with me. No sounds, no scents, no unexplained events. So…each day I go forward waiting for an answer, but beginning to believe I will never get one. I know memories are in my heart, and not the physical items, but am so afraid of dishonoring their memory by parting with them. Maybe someday.